C.G.O.T.I.

= Coolest Game On The Internet

Acrowars.

Is as nerdy as it sounds. Play it! Play it! Play it!

Have you heard the news? A male contraceptive gel patch that "homes in on the testes." So far they're only tested it on rats and I don't want to be one of the humans that volunteers to test it on themselves. What if it made you grow another one?

Would that make you more fertile?

By the way, I was busted! I said that the BBS: Documentary was boring. Later that day, Jason Scott Sadofsky, maintainer of textfiles.net and creator of this particular film, left me a comment explaining that his documentary is not boring. He suggested that I torrent it. And I did... but I still haven't got round to watching it.

I recommend that you check it out though. Remember - it's not boring!

The day in fragments

I downloaded Firefox 2 today. Everyone says it's awesome but am I the only one who thinks all browsers are much the same?

I was going to record spam e-mails as spoken word performances but I decided to buy my father a birthday present instead.

I found a wicked cool Zen garden which was in the shape of the yin yang. One half was sand, other half was rocks. My girlfriend raked the sand well but then unfortunately tried to rake the rocks too.

I found what may be the most boring documentary ever. It's called BBS: The Documentary. I am unfairly pre-judging it because I haven't seen it yet. But y'know... I really can't be bothered. Even if Wired Magazine decribed it as "Surprisingly Engrossing".

I have been feeling like everyone is talking about me when they actually aren't. I'm not sure whether it's narcissism or paranoia.

I am staying in tonight because I never stay in on a Friday.

South Park creaters Trey Parker and Matt Stone thought it would be cool to put Steve Irwin in one of their cartoons. Fair enough, but critics didn't like the idea of him being portrayed quite like this.

The all time mystery/scam/mystery site Hell.com is being sold. If anyone has ever been on the site, that's enough to make you want to own it. It is predicted that it will sell for over one million dollars.

I usually have three cups of coffe in one day, but I replaced my second with a cup of lemsip because my throat hurt.

It hurt because I was trying to sing songs by I Am The Avalanche, whos singer appears to have a higher vocal range than me.

Billy Talent are having an awesome tour where they are being supported by Anti-Flag and Rise Against. I want to go but those dudes aren't coming anywhere near my country.

Professor Costas Efthimiou thinks it is worthwhile to scientifically disprove the existance of ghosts, vampires, werewolves and other such cyrptids. Apparently his attempt is newsworhty because of "American gullibility for the supernatural."

Im local news, a pub is reopening... Our local headlines are quaint. There is one page which shows all the headlines. I hope you don't mind if I quote two of my favourite:

• Foot-and-mouth disease alert
  27 October 2006 09:31
• Foot-and-mouth ruled out
  27 October 2006 11:42

The EDP are always on the ball. Close call though.

This was on Digg as the worst idea ever. I half agree, but much of me finds it endearing.

That is all.

Penguins

The best part of having a blog is having no one comment on it.

Seriously world, keep it up.

I went to the zoo two days ago! If you like animals, I highly recommend it. I went with my girlfriend who broke her foot last time she went so I insisted on seeing it all.

I was still undecided about the ethics of zoos before I went. In a way I guess I thought that a good zoo is like the utopia that humans could only dream of. Complete with no threats, diseases or famines. These zoo animals even have their own gods in the form of zoo-workers. You can't say that about anywhere else in the world.

And sure, most of the animals are happy with it but you can never give a white tiger enough space. You could seeing the grass worn away in the grass where the cheetah walked up and down in a line all day. Those big cats, you can see their bordom. So I freed them! You probably saw it on the news.

Giraffes bloody love it. Snakes can't believe their luck and the monkeys had a pretty sweet set up. Chimpanzees are disgusting by the way, even dogs are cleaner than those "intelligent mammals". Whatever, there's some pretty cute animals in the world.

So all in all, I'm undecided. But ethics aside, it was fun. I think you appreciate Zoos more when you're older. When you're a kid you're just excitied to be looking at something through a pane of glass, but when you're older you can be boring enough to enjoy looking at an animal. If you're lucky, you'll know something about the animal and you can tell you person you're with and they'll think you're clever.

BY THE WAY!

I'm pretty happy about being described as a "host" instead of a "blogger." That's way cool.

ALSO!

Why is it only now that I'm starting to dig My Chemical Romance? I guess it was because it took me this long to embrace that annoying theatrical stuff they do. And I was very impressed that they could get a gothic punk emo like song to number 1 in the charts. It'll never beat that really wicked song though. I think it was called Ghost Of You. Whatever.

Word Games

So I've got the choice between watching Rob Schneider's "The Animal" or messing around with the internet. I've made my choice and I stick by it. I invented a word game.

Check it out.

You get one word, then you enter it into dictionary.com. Then you take the definition and subsequently define each of the words of the previous definition to make a long decription of the first word.

Par Example: "Not any particular or certain one of a class or group experiencing deep meaning of great and broadly inclusive significance which is easily moved to sympathy or compassion expressing, showing, or marked by intense or strong feeling, emotional fond attachment or devotion with the object or purpose of a person other than oneself or the one specified a human being, whether man, woman, or child."

Yeah man, can you guess what the word was? That's right, it was "love". See, this a game for the whole family!

Okay okay, how about: "A certain or particular animal of the family Canidae, including the wolves, jackals, hyenas, coyotes and foxes caused to feel comfortable at home which can reproduce in a large or considerable number of different types of things, esp. ones in the same general category."

Yeah man, the answer was "dog!" See, we're having fun already. We'll do one more.

Here we go: "The being, person, thing, or individual instance or member of a number, kind, group, or category indicated which is the highest in rank or authority in absolute existence in a complete or perfect state, lacking no essential characteristic. Also the person or thing that creates in addition to being the a person who rules or governs the totality of known or supposed objects and phenomena throughout space, the cosmos and the macrocosm."

That was "god" which is kinda similar to dog really...

I hope you all had fun.

Word Games

So I've got the choice between watching Rob Schneider's "The Animal" or messing around with the internet. I've made my choice and I stick by it. I invented a word game.

Check it out.

You get one word, then you enter it into dictionary.com. Then you take the definition and subsequently define each of the words of the previous definition to make a long decription of the first word.

Par Example: "Not any particular or certain one of a class or group experiencing deep meaning of great and broadly inclusive significance which is easily moved to sympathy or compassion expressing, showing, or marked by intense or strong feeling, emotional fond attachment or devotion with the object or purpose of a person other than oneself or the one specified a human being, whether man, woman, or child."

Yeah man, can you guess what the word was? That's right, it was "love". See, this a game for the whole family!

Okay okay, how about: "A certain or particular animal of the family Canidae, including the wolves, jackals, hyenas, coyotes and foxes caused to feel comfortable at home and which can reproduce in a large or considerable number of different types of things, esp. ones in the same general category."

Yeah man, the answer was "dog!" See, we're having fun already. We'll do one more.

Here we go: "The being, person, thing, or individual instance or member of a number, kind, group, or category indicated which is the highest in rank or authority in absolute existence in a complete or perfect state, lacking no essential characteristic. Also the person or thing that creates in addition to being the a person who rules or governs the totality of known or supposed objects and phenomena throughout space, the cosmos and the macrocosm."

That was "god" which is kinda similar to dog really...

I hope you all had fun.

It's mooning

My firefox weather report informs me that the moon is out.

Good to see everything running like clockwork.

Mystery = Solved Squared

Now we all know Robert Henley. Mysterious ex-leader of myserious organisation and member of their mysterious overlords.

But what don't you know about Robert Henley.

Let me show you. This is actor Jason Lee portraying Azrael the demon in Kevin Smiths movie, Dogma.

Charming guy, good actor, plays Earl Hickey in that show about karma. And if you look at his head you'll see he has horns, meaning that Jason Lee is probably a real demon.

Here we see Robert Henley in a clip from the movie Who Is Robert Henley?

Charming guy, good actor, owns an international secret organisation. And if you look closely you will see some similarities between Robert Henley and Jason Lee. One, they are wearing the same suit. Two, they use the same gun. Three, they have the same face. And four, these two photos were taken in the same place.

I know this may be a lot to take in, but what I am about to tell you is the truth. Robert Henley is in fact a rogue demon by the name of Jason Lee.

So now that you know this, you'll be wondering what you can use to stop him from destroying the world as we know it. Well exorcism rituals are effective but can take ages. I recommend using any form of weapon from bullets to baseball bats, just make sure they've been blessed. If a weapon isn't available then use any blessed object but be sure it makes enough of an impact against his demon skin to cause him to die.

Be alert!

Y'know...

I'm feeling quite megegaltastic today! [pass it on!]

The torture never fucking really ends! Check it out:

I know! That amounts to a mass of 4 cuts on my body that may end in scarring. This one was done opening a bottle of wine. In theory, this should not injure you. But hey, I tried my best... But it makes me sad.

Anyway! Anyway! That's the last photo of my lips for a while.

Last night during lager and cigars (really, cigars!) me and my compadre Luke decided to start a documentary series. We don't have much to document yet, but we have one idea that similar to Supersize Me except we're going to take up and then subsequently quit cigarets... Not sure how that's going to play out. But we'll soon see!

But first we need a domain and a catchy name... What should I call it?

Lip Pride

I don't know why I only show you that part of my face. It's not like you don't know what I look like. So I guess it must be some sort of proudness re: my lips. I was just showing you my scar, too bad you can't see it. Look, I even started holding the two skin-flaps together with one of those sterile sticky strips that nurses have. My girlfriend kindly provided me with 5 of them.

I think the hardest thing about having a raw cut on your chin is that you are forced to grow some sort of hair. This is gonna looks pretty silly on me, I assure you.

Anyway, away from my cut, yesterday we tried playing our entire first album acoustically despite never having played/practiced the songs in that way before. A couple of them sounded great but others were just ebarrassing. I don't recommend coming to our show if we ever do that again.

Also, a working invisibilty cloak has been invented. Awesome, huh?

Skarma

How cool does that look?

Actually, this plaster looks better than the other 3. This bitch wouldn't stop bleeding. But there is no way to make a fat cut on your chin look cool. The cool thing to do would be to let it bleed all over my face and pretend that I don't care. But that's messy and I like this shirt.

I got this small but annoying injury just before an attempt to something very stupid involving a slippery slope, an unstable vessel and a tarmac landing. If imagine that this stunt would have actually hurt less than the cut. But that's karma for you.

So in the name in unlikely injury I present you with this odds and statistic. Please injoy.

• Odds of injury from shaving: 6,585 to 1
• Odds of injury from using a chain saw: 4,464 to 1
• Odds of drowning in a bathtub: 685,000 to 1
• Odds of being killed sometime in the next year in any sort of transportation accident: 77 to 1
• Odds of being struck by lightning: 576,000 to 1
• Odds of being killed by lightning: 2,320,000 to 1
• Odds of being murdered: 18,000 to 1
• Odds of getting away with murder: 2 to 1
• Odds of being considered possessed by Satan: 7,000 to 1
• Odds of getting hemorrhoids: 25 to 1
• Odds of being on plane with a drunken pilot: 117 to 1
• Odds of a meteor landing on your house: 182,138,880,000,000 to 1
• Chance of dying from any kind of injury during the next year: 1 in 1,820
• Chance of dying from intentional self-harm: 1 in 9,380
• Chance of dying from an assault: 1 in 16,421
• Chance of dying from any kind of fall: 1 in 20,666
• Chance of dying in an explosion: 1 in 107,787
• Chance of dying from a mountain lion attack in California: 1 in 32,000,000
  
• Chance that Earth will experience a catastrophic collision with an asteroid in the next 100 years: 1 in 5,000
• Chance of dying in such a collision: 1 in 20,000
• Chance of dying from choking on food: 1 in 370,035
• Chance of dying from legal execution: 1 in 3,441,325
• Chance of dying from contact with hot tap water: 1 in 5,005,564
• Chance of having a stroke: 1 in 6
• Chance of developing schizophrenia: 1 in 100
• Chance of contracting the human version of mad cow disease: 1 in 40,000,000
• Chance of getting prostate cancer: 1 in 6
• Chance of getting breast cancer: 1 in 9
• Chance of getting colon / rectal cancer: 1 in 26
• Chance of beating pancreatic or liver cancer: 1 in 9
• Chance of dying from SARS in the United States: 1 in 100,000,000
• Chance of dying from a shark attack: 1 in 300,000,000
• Chance of developing cancer in you lifetime: 1 in 3
  

So there you have it. Worry about flying or swimming all you like, you're probably just going to get cancer.

Dreamer-nalysis

Want to hear my freaky dream slash nightmare?


Okay, cool. It goes like this.

In the dream, I was the little known actorMichael Emerson in third person. In that I was aware that Michael Emerson was me, although I wasn't looking through his eyes. In the dream we weren't an actor, we were just a guy. Anyway, myself and another man whos face I didn't see were about to undertake a stunt in which we would be handcuffed and and placed in a box for several weeks. Food and water etc would be provided. The dream started as the handcuffs were placed on us. The box had enough room for two men to lie down, we were top and tale. The box was transparent on all sides but the floor all the face on my left, which was actually attached to the wall.

As the lid closed on our box, which in hindsight was about the size of a coffin, I sat up (although the dimensions of the box would in theory make this impossible) and started talking and joking with the other man. I noticed a gold tube starting to protrude from the wall and inch closer to the other mans head. And then it shot him, and I screamed or something. For some reason, I had come to the conclusion that I was part of a Saw like experience in which I was now trapped in a glass coffin with a corpse attached to my wrist.

The dream then skips forward a bit. The glass coffin is open and then is a man standing over Me/Emmerson (still in third person). The corpse that is witch me is now black and rotting and sort of... all over me. The mysterious new man says I can leave if I eat some of the body.

Then I think my Holy-Crap-O-Metre told me to wake the hell up before I dream something that I'll regret.

But what does this dream mean? What does thisDrean!? I'll tell you... Actually, I've just analysed it and now I don't want to tell you.

Sorry.

Hawking Says So

"The survival of the human race depends on its ability to find new homes elsewhere in the universe because there's an increasing risk that a disaster will destroy Earth."

Apparently that's true. Stephen Hawking says it's true anyway and he knows a lot of things. He knows a lot about space... and time. He also says that we need to colonise The Moon and then Mars

""Life on Earth is at the ever-increasing risk of being wiped out by a disaster, such as sudden global warming, nuclear war, a genetically engineered virus or other dangers we have not yet thought of."

I'm rooting for the virus. Man made disasters seem like the most obvious way for us to go. What with everyone racing for power, one country will definately end up using a virus as a weapon honestly believing that they are in control. However, the dangers that we have not thought of does cover a lot more possibilites.

However, other great minds say it's probably easier to build underground bases in Antarctica. Come on, I don't want to live underground! It's all about the Moon!

Woof

This is Cat. Say hello, Cat! He loves the camera.

Tale From A Homeless

While standing outside Po Na Na I was approached by a familiar homeless lady. She has a nice Scottish accent and always wishes you well if you don't decline her request for spare change. See, she's not a passive beggar sitting on the floor, she walks around as people exit the club and asks them for change.

Anyway, I find it hard no to talk to the homeless. Their stories are at least 5 times more interesting than anyones who ownes a home. This lady, I will call her Claire because we've never exchanged names, was telling me about the events of her last week.

She'd just been up to Glasgow, her home town. Glasgow isn't a pleasant place. There's a lot of crime there, and a high homicide rate. You know the deal. As it happens, her "parter" had been incarcerated Barlinnie prison. Apparently a very corrupt place, just look at Governer Bill McKinlay, I've never seen a man I distrust more from just a headshot. Anyway, that's not important, I'm sure Bill is a very nice man. Claire's partner had just served his 4 year sentence and was being held at a probation house. Hooray for him!

Claire's partner was sick of prison and sick of crime, or so Claire said. So from now on, he was on the straight and narrow. Crime doesn't pay et cetera... So when his assigned room mate and ex-drug addict/dealer asked to borrow some money, Claire's parter stood his damn ground. "No way, you're going to spend it on drugs. I don't want to be involed." He probably said.

After a heated argument, his room mate pretended to understand. An uneasy truce, especially in a Glasgow Probation House, right? Normally, this is not the time or place to leave your drink unattended. But hey, there's no way you can get any poison inside those gates. Or at least, not very easily. Either way, the room mate didn't need posion.

When Claire's partner went to the bathroom his drink was spiked with liquid paracetamol. Which he was allergic to. He choked and died.

The weird thing is about that kind of culture, there was no way that the killer would ever have gotten away with it. In fact, I don't believe he intended to. But he'd just got out of prison and he was so willing to send himself back inside. Claire had just been up to Glasgow to bury her partner. She's going up again today for the trial. They say there's so much DNA evidense that the killer doesn't stand a chance.

It must suck to be a homeless lady with a dead ex-criminal for a lover. It's a shame too, that I don't own the proper tone of voice to deal with people who have been through something like this . I replied along the lines of "...*sigh* Dammit."

I hope I see her next week, she said she'd tell me what happens.

Duck House

the weather man says there's fog here but there aint no fog here.

Feline

If I had a cat, I'd want him to be ugly. That way, everyone would love him the most. I don't think there's such thing as an ugly kitten. The uglier they look, the more you want to tickle their noses.

I'm going to call my cat David Spade and I will make sure that he is ugly. Not that David Spade is a particularly ugly man, I just think the names suites an ugly cat. However, I can tell you that if David Spade was a cat then he would look very much like this.

Distubing, I know. Maybe if my cat was that ugly then I'd like him less...

Path To My Sorcery

As stolen from someone else.

Hey wow, I feel so faint... Shit. Okay but never mind, that's not important.

Anyway, I found someone elses Chaos Magick guide. This is something I have taken up so I can say it either works or does not instead of being a sceptic or a naysayer. So... y'know, I already have a couple of texts but I figured I'd follow this short set of bullets because it makes a lot of sense.

• Read Liber Null and Prometheus Rising
• Read the collected works of AO Spare
• Read everything by Jan Fries and Phil Hine
• Practice sigil magic
• Practice trace states
• Practice sorcery
• Learn about dynamic systems theory, catastophe theory and strange attractors
• Build your own models
• Practice what you preach
• Develop your own sorcery

It's not water-tight by any means, but I can patch over those gaps. It will serve as a good guide. It looks kinda easier said than done though. Number one is "Read Liber Null." Awesome! Except it sure isn't sold in this city!

Damn you Borders.

It was hard enough to find Condensed Chaos...

Maybe one of you wants to like... mail me a copy?

We're The Counter Culture!

And we don't care about anything!

"North Korea has announced that it will be testing its first nuclear weapon. That's not funny, just scarey as hell." said Ze Frank. CNN said something along the same lines. Woah, kinda scarey huh? Where's Team America when you need them? There's a lot going on with Nuclear Weapons, so much so that I've decided to capitalise the term. Everyone The President of the USA said that Iran are probably going to blow us up and they denied it for ages, he didn't mention North Korea and now Iran are opening their Nuclear Plants to the public to prove that it's for energy and not weapons. North Korea on the other hand, are still not considered to be a "mainstream threat."

Dude everything is backwards!

Anyway, enough of serious stuff. We're too cool for that, right? Right. But no one is too cool for music. With my help you can be one of those god-awful music nerds who only listens to music that isn't popular yet.

I've been meaning to write about Pandora Radio for ages. Type in the band you like and then it plays all kinda of music like it. And music from the bands themselves of course. It's way handy if you just wanna listen to music. Useless if you want to hear a certain band or song. Dig? Good. Bye!

Underated Or Something

Stuff That's Awesome

I'm here to inform, entertain and um... describe.

Its a well known fact that owning a blog makes you popular and lovable. In fact, you could say that if you want to run for Prime Minister of Great Britain then you should definately own a blog.

Aint that right, Cameron?

How cool/funny/lame/unbelievable is that!? David Cameron, leader of the Conservative Party is very much down with the kids. I mean just look at this unscripted and aloof video cast from last Tuesday!

Pretty cool name though. Webcameron. I don't know what to think of it though. David Cameron is a strange candidate in that he spends too much time being "cool" and putting down Blair that I don't even know what his policies really are. I just have a general idea. I remember him saying "I want to help people."

Moving on! I've got a great idea. Let's race robots through crowded streets!

Huh, I guess that's already been done... How about something really crazy then? Like single handedly casting aside centuries of Catholic belief abolishing the concept of limbo. You see, that way every unbabtised baby will have its soul saved whether it likes it or not! Y'all know I can't really do it... But I know a man who canwill!

Gotta love that pope.

Two Pictures

The first shows the penalty of not prebooking a train ticket which should cost 10-20 pounds. The second shows an inportant message from a friend of mine.

How To Repsond To Strangers

I just got a message from someone who I've never met!

I haven't given them a name yet. But xxxxx is a pretty cool name. The coolest thing about it is that you don't pronounce it as Z. It's more a KCK sound. Anyway, I thought it was really cool and karma like because I was sort of half writing a song anyway, so I made them exactly what they wanted.

I called it Unchanging Meldody. I called it that because it doesn't change at any point, get it? It's not really 3 minutes long though.

Do you like it? Yeah, you're right, it needs lyrics. Someone please send me some!

How To Dance Properly When No One Is Looking